Limiting Ideas, Intuitive Eating, and the Gym
First of all, check out this funny gym picture:
I love how everyone is smiling. I don’t know about you, but my gym looks a whole lot different 
Several months ago, I posted a piece I wrote in college about why I hate the gym. I meant every word. Yesterday though, Sam and I decided to get a gym membership at our local fitness center, which is actually a really nice facility with really reasonable prices.
I usually can’t stand exercise machines because I feel like a hamster on a wheel. I don’t like “artificial” feeling exercise. I’d much rather walk or run outside, do yoga, go for a bike ride, or go hiking.
It’s kinda hard to keep that up in the winter though.
I resisted the idea for awhile. The main reason was that it seemed silly to pay to exercise when I have a few perfectly good workout dvds at home, a yoga mat, and walking shoes. The other reason is that the gym didn’t fit with my idea of living as an intuitive eater/exerciser. It liked it to counting calories and measuring portions rather than listening to what my body needs.
Over the past few months though, I’ve realized that there’s no one way to live intuitively. For some people, this looks like a daily walk and three square meals a day. For others, it’s a gym membership and nibbling all day without set meals. Others may eliminate certain foods from their diet for health reasons. Some might use calories or measuring as a way to gain consciousness of their eating before they’re comfortable to fly on their own. For me, intuitive living is different at different times of year. During the summer, it’s little meals and snacks all day long and lots of walking with a little running and yoga thrown in. During the winter though, I’ve realized that I need something different. I’ve had to change my ideas about my lifestyle, which I was surprised to find were a little rigid despite flexibility being the whole point of intuitive eating.
Here are a few reasons why I no longer hate the gym and why I feel it’s necessary right now:
- My body has been asking for more intense exercise than I’ve been giving it lately, and though I can bundle up and walk in the cold or do one of the exercise DVD’s that I have memorized, but it gets old. The gym has lots of different options like classes, the pool, plenty of machines, a track, free weights, and sports if for some reason I decided to experiment with that.
- My knees have been hurting like they always do when I start sitting at a desk for most of the day. I really don’t have a low to no impact cardio option at home, but at the gym I have the pool, a stationary bike, or an elliptical. Any of those are a great way to build strength without taxing my knees further.
- Sam and I barely see each other with both of us working weird hours and him going to school. He’s been wanting to exercise, so this might be a way to spend some time together in a healthier way than going to Buffalo Wild Wings at 9pm.
- I’ve been wanting to build a little muscle because I have very little upper body strength (I can’t even do one full-on push up. Not even close.) and I’ve noticed that my abs are feeling a little weak as well. I could certainly do this with yoga or just with old school body weight exercises at home, but I hate the body weight exercises, I don’t really push myself with yoga at home, and I’d rather do gentler yoga at home. The gym does have a Saturday yoga class I could go to, but weights offer a lot more variety and they’re faster. I even had fun even though years ago I likened the weight room to a torture chamber.
- This might be a better way to blow off stress after work than munching. I don’t tend to be hungry in the evenings, but I often snack when I get home just because I feel like I should because it’s dinner time or something, and also because I usually feel spun out. Going to the gym after work a few days a week might help me regulate work stress and eating a little better as well as giving me an energy boost, because I tend to come home and crash until bedtime. Sometimes I paint in the evenings, but I’m a morning person and I do most of my artmaking in the morning before I leave. Going to the gym won’t give me more time for my art, but my body needs it. I could use a little more energy to push through these last few weeks of winter.
Flexibility isn’t about rebellion or avoiding things that you think don’t fit in your flexible lifestyle. It’s about adjusting your ideas according to what your body and spirit actually need. Rethink some of your limiting ideas such as “intuitive eaters don’t go to the gym” or “artists don’t worry about what they eat.” Yes, these are kind of silly ideas, but our subconscious can hold a death grip on silly things like these. Pay attention to your limiting thoughts. We all have them. Examine them. Question them. Are they serving you, or do you need something different right now? Do you need rest, or would a short trip to the gym make you feel amazing?
There are no rules, only consciousness, caring, and a little humility.
Are you hanging on to any limiting ideas?
Wise Words: Paint your Reality
I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to,
and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration.
-Frida Kahlo
What Feeds You?
If you’ve been reading Handprint Soul for awhile, you know that I’ve had problems with compulsive eating in the past. I’m not one of those people who wastes away when I’m upset; quite the opposite in fact. While I’ve spent lots of time researching the various genetic, nutritional, hormonal, emotional, and cognitive reasons for this and have taken steps to balance them, this tendency still pops up from time to time.
For most of the past year, I’ve had a good handle on eating intuitively. I lost 30 pounds last summer and felt free from any kind of food obsession. I felt fabulous.
I’ve been pretty munchy for the past couple months, especially the last few weeks, and I have a little bit of a “winter coat,” though I’m pretty confident it will go away in the spring. In the meantime, the couple extra pounds don’t really bother me, but the thoughts do. I don’t like thinking about food all the time. I’d rather think about art, writing, Sam, my friends, or just have a clear head sometimes. I don’t like it when food seems like the most comforting, exciting thing in my life. In the week before a party or planned dinner out, the thoughts of food keep popping in my head and don’t go away. I know this isn’t entirely under my control and that certain parts of my brain tend to be overactive, which is why I get “stuck” on certain thoughts (I’ve put lots of research into this.)
To a certain extent though, I can observe this happening and even talk back to these thoughts. One tactic I’ve been using lately is to think “What is feeding me today?”
If the only enjoyable parts of my day revolved around food, I know one of two things. Either I’m experiencing fear and avoiding thinking about something, or I’m not caring for my spirit.
This is tricky, because it changes every day. I love walks most days, but some days I’d rather paint, or read a book. Sometimes I just need to snuggle with my cat and write in my journal. Once in awhile I want to go out with friends, or be spontaneous. Sometimes, I’m just sad and need some comfort from something other than cookies. The other day, a snap of beautiful weather filled me like nothing I’ve felt in months.
If you struggle with food or any other compulsion, ask yourself what you get out of it and what you’re really missing. Can you give yourself what you really need? Is something off with your mood? Do you need more excitement or challenges in your life? Have you taken time to pursue your own interests? Do you take time for rest?
I’m still getting the hang of this, and I’m learning to eat intuitively during the winter and deal with low moods authentically rather than numbing them. This is a useful tool that I’m learning to use. I feed my body when it needs it, but I also try to feed my spirit just as often, with spiritual “meals” of walking outside, connecting with others, creating, and a little dash of adventure now and again.
Has anyone else had experience with this?
How to Enjoy Paying Bills
Happy Monday! That probably looks a lot more chipper than it feels. Mondays aren’t necessarily my favorite days, but I do tend to feel a bit refreshed from the weekend. I like to use that extra energy to tackle chores for the week. Today I’m planning on grocery shopping, preparing some food for the week, and paying bills. That last one is probably my least favorite because I tend to stress about money even if we’re doing fine financially, which thanks to me working more, we are. It’s still not fun, but I thought I’d share a trick that I use to make it more enjoyable. Yes, it’s probably really corny, but it works for me.
Two tips actually. The first one it to use Pixar stamps. Paying the gas bill is much more fun with a Wall-e stamp.
The second, more important tip is to pay bills with gratitude.
I vaguely recall something like this in The Secret, so that’s probably where I got the idea, but while I’m writing out checks or paying bills online, I think about what I’m really paying for and the value I received. Here’s a quick breakdown of how I think about my bills:
- Rent-Thank you for giving me a place to live, for giving my studio and a kitchen to cook yummy food and a big window with a tree outside to look at while I sit on the couch and journal in the morning.
- Gas and electric bills-Thank you for hot baths, a cozy home, for light to read and paint by, for powering my computer so I can write and connect with others.
- Student loan payments-Thank you for helping me study in China and graduate on time. Thanks for helping me start my dream of travel.
- Phone bill-Thank you for allowing me to call my mom, text my friends, get a hold of Sam when my computer does something stupid and send him cute little messages during the day, and for helping me feel safe because I always have a way to get help in an emergency.
- Car insurance and fuel-Thank you for allowing me to visit my family and friends, for getting me to the library, grocery store, and art galleries. Thanks for allowing me to get to work in five minutes instead of tramping through the snow for a 25 minutes both ways.
It may seem silly, but I think gratitude is the key to a happy life. When we have gratitude, we see the good in the unpleasant things. We notice out blessings, and we just tend to be a lot more optimistic. This is a big deal for those of us that tend to be vulnerable to depression and anxiety.
I’ll let you know how this works on taxes. 
Have a wonderful week!
When I Don’t Like to Paint
I have a secret. For some reason, I feel kind of ashamed of this, but in the spirit of authenticity, I’m going to share it with you.
Sometimes, I don’t like to paint. Sometimes I don’t want to paint.
I beat myself up over that one for a long time, then I read this amazing post at Dirty Footprints Studio, and I realized that I’m not the only one who has this problem. We’re used to seeing the stereotypical artist or writing slaving away for days at the easel or typewriter, littering the ground with crumpled paper but stil working passionately. I thought “I should be like that. I should never want to avoid painting, or just not have a good time painting. I should be a never-ending fountain of creativity and awesomeness, right?
But it’s true. Sometimes I just don’t have ideas (time to fill the well!) or sometimes I don’t like whatever I end up doing, and sometimes I’d just rather do something else. Not many artists blog about his feeling, though I suspect they all feel it at some point. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Part of making good work is making crap sometimes.
I have a painting in my studio that I made after my first sale, when I was all jazzed up about being a professional artist, and it has never seen the light of day and probably never will. I’ll probably just gesso over it so I can reuse the canvas. There’s nothing wrong with it.
My logical brain knows that it’s ok to feel this way sometimes, but my emotional brain always throws a fit when I feel like reading a book when I have some spare time instead of working in the studio or if I paint something lousy. However, I think I just needed permission to be ok with that sometimes. As Connie from Dirty Footprints Studio puts it, I didn’t over analyze it–or let myself go down the road of thinking my creativity is over–my talent is gone–I’m less of an Artist–blah blah blah.” That’s how it is, and that’s the best attitude to have.
I realized that expecting that I’ll always love painting no matter what and never have a bad day is like getting married and expecting to never have a disagreement. An argument doesn’t mean that you’re not in love anymore or that there’s anything wrong with you, it just means that you’re two different forces who happened to clash one day. No big deal.
I hereby give myself permission to have bad studio days, to not like what I paint sometimes, and most importantly, to let it go. If you struggle with this, I give you permission as well.
Wise Words: The Illusion of Security
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”
Helen Keller
Valentine’s Day: What I Love about my Best Friend
As far as I know, my husband Sam doesn’t usually read my blog, but maybe he will today. I debated about what to write for a special Valentine’s Day post, and I remembered that day years ago when I came home to find a typed list taped to the apartment door of things Sam loves about me.
Since I don’t get along with our printer very well, I’m going to make him a list here, and feel free to comment about what you love about your significant other as well!
- I love that he makes jokes and ends up cracking himself up. It’s hilarious when he makes himself laugh.
- If I have a craving at work, all I have to do is text him and I’ll have a treat on my desk within 30 minutes. This is a nifty “magic trick” that really impresses the other girls at work.
- He lets me have a cat even though he hates having a litter box in the bathroom and a layer of cat hair on everything we own.
- He loves to watch Jim Henson shows with me.
- He gets my weirdo sense of humor.
- He’s always up for an adventure, even when I’m not.
- He makes sure that I loosen up and have fun when I’m so wrapped up in my responsibilities that I forget to breathe.
- He’ll make grocery runs or start dinner so I can come straight home after work and have dinner ready.
- I get a massage whenever I want one.
- He ALWAYS opens my door.
- If we share a dessert or appetizer, he always gives me the last bite.
- He balances my panicky tendencies with his “go with the flow” attitude.
- He never fails to make me laugh.
- He’s the most generous person I know.
- When I want to throw my computer out the window, he’s always there to fix it.
- He always drives so I don’t have to. I don’t really like to drive.
- We met when I was 15, and he saw through the awkwardness and shyness. We’ve been best friends ever since
I hope that wasn’t nauseating for anyone.
Tell your significant other what you love about them today. If you’re single, tell the mirror.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Selling Art and Letting Go
I sold my favorite painting last week. I was happy to release it to someone who loved it so much, but it was still a little sad for me. I wasn’t expecting to let it go at that time; the buyer and I had previously discussed a different painting, but he ended up changing his mind. This one was more money than the one I’d expected him to buy, so that was nice, but that blank spot on my wall is still a little sad looking.
Acrylic on Canvas 24X48
As I drove home from delivering the painting, I thought about the weeks I spent working on that piece. I made it in October and I spent the whole time either listening to the Muppets Green Album or watching Soul Art TV. I remembered each stage of that painting; laying on the paint and peeling it back back off with an old library card, spreading the paint around the sky, dabbing the jewel red leaves, wondering what the figure should be doing and watching the piece change under my brush.
I then realized that I already had what I needed from that painting. I got my value from making it, and from seeing its new owner light up when he hung it on his office wall. I now have some money to put toward my business and an empty spot on my wall for the painting I’m currently working on.
Being the dork I am, I thought of the Doozers from my favorite show, Fraggle Rock, who live to build.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, get thee to Youtube.
They don’t mind that the Fraggles eat their towers (because the buildings are made from radishes, the Fraggles’ favorite food) or when Sprocket the dog accidentally wound up in Fraggle Rock and knocked them all down. They were happy because now they had more room to build! Their joy was in the process, not the end product. Building made them happy. They also loved to see their buildings make the Fraggles happy as they ate them. One of the doozers once watched a Fraggle munching on a piece of the roof and he sighed and said “Ah, does my heart good. Architecture is meant to be enjoyed.”
As an artist, this is something I’ll have to get used to, but I don’t imagine that letting go will always be easy. I just have to remember where the joy comes from, and where it goes. It’s a beautiful exchange.
Wise Words: How to be Original
Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original:
whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before)
you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.
C.S Lewis
School VS Education
I recently went through my old college flash drive and found tons of old essays and stories that I’d forgotten about, so I might share some of them over the next few weeks. This is from my senior year, an essay assignment called “This I Believe.”
I won’t pretend that I’m thrilled about this assignment. I have a lot on my plate right now with five classes, work kicking my butt, and a novel in progress. My kitchen is overflowing with dirty dishes, my laundry isn’t put away and my living room looks like my desk exploded. One more paper to write is like a fly buzzing around my face while my arms are full of books; annoying, stressful, and something that should be done away with. What’s the point?
Unfortunately, that’s been my mantra this semester. I’m dragging myself through my literature classes, trying to absorb these literary jewels but instead wishing I could be home writing or researching my genre instead. I take notes in lectures, chew pen caps in testing centers, and wade through pages of phonetic transcription and wish I were in a book somewhere, either my own or someone else’s. I graduate in May. I’ve taken dozens of classes, written dozens of papers, taken dozens of tests and what do I know? Not much. I even made a list of important things I’ve learned and I realize very few of them came from school.
I believe school is only a tiny part of education. A degree can get you a job, but the rest of your life is a mess if all your education occurred in a classroom.
I can read and write well. I partially credit my abilities to school, but I learned to write by reading and writing outside of school, reading and writing what I wanted to. I can make a soup or casserole with anything in my fridge. I can take care of kids, balance a checkbook, budget, and pull myself out of depression, but I didn’t learn that from a textbook. Learning happens through practice, trial and error, and help from other people.
Van Gogh said “I never let school get in the way of my education.” I’ve written that quote on top of pages of notes when I start to get overwhelmed by class work and feel my brain clog up like a drain full of hair. I remember to step back, get perspective, do my own thing for awhile and come back fresh so I can absorb what I need from school.
Bad attitude? Maybe. School is important to me. I’ve had some amazing teachers who helped me become better than I would have on my own. I’ve taken classes that have opened my mind wider than I could have alone. I’ve been introduced to some amazing books, ideas, and people I may have never discovered otherwise.
School is part of education, but only a part, not the whole . Education is learning from everything while retaining your identity and core values. Learn from school, people, experiences, trials, experiments, people, places, books, and your own thoughts. Life is a giant school really, but in the school of life, you are your own academic advisor. You choose your teachers, your classes, your curriculum. The world is your classroom.
