Category Archives: Happiness
Am I Living in Love or Fear?
Over the past few months, I’ve observed that at any given time, I’m living in one of two mindsets: Love or Fear.
Love is a mindset of trust, joy, gratitude, patience, passion, and caring.
Fear is a mindset of worry, want, insecurity, judgement, impatience, and obligation.
Where would you rather be?
I think this is true for everyone.
When we’re living from a place of love, we are happy, our creativity flows, we appreciate what we have, we live in the moment, and good things seem to happen to us.
I know when I’m living in love, because I spend a lot of time writing and painting, I have to scribble down ideas in the checkout line or at red lights, I only think about food when I’m hungry and I even put off eating because I don’t want to stop what I’m doing, I’m patient with myself and others, and I feel adventurous. I trust that everything is and will be ok, and that I have everything I need. I feel grateful.
When we’re living from a place of fear, we worry a lot, spend a lot of time planning, think in terms of “should” and “have to”. We get frustrated with other people and ourselves, and we live in the past and future-anywhere to avoid the present.
Sometimes it takes me a while to accept that I’m living in fear, but it’s not hard to identify. I can usually tell because I don’t feel like making art and I spend a lot of time planning, budgeting, making lists, crunching numbers, and thinking about food when I’m not hungry. I munch a lot and feel like I need to sleep more. I feel insecure on many levels, whether it’s with money, career, or something in my body feels off and I panic.
I lose my trust in life and feel that I have to force things, because what if it won’t be ok?
Fear isn’t a fun place to live.
So if we’re living in a mindset of fear, how to we switch gears?
- Gratitude: Look around you and notice the beauty, the abundance, and the joy. Look back on your life and remember the time that seemingly bad things worked out for the better (they might still be working out)
- Have faith: Whether you believe in a higher power or not, know that God, life, the universe or whatever has a way of guiding you to what you need. Knowing this is the key to trust, trusting is the key to letting go, and letting go is the key to being open.
- Be gentle with yourself and others: To borrow a quote from the amazing Tara Wagner aka The Organic Sister, “Everyone does the best they can with the tools they have.” This also applies to you. You aren’t lazy, stupid, or weak, and neither is anyone else. While this doesn’t justify things that are wrong, just realize that mistakes are a matter of not having the correct tools, not that something is inherently wrong with you or another person.
- Know what makes you happy, and what doesn’t: I love art and writing because they open up a part of myself that I can’t access otherwise. I love walking and yoga because they connect me to my body and free my mind. I love good food, animals, spending time with people I love, and reading. Worrying, planning, and making endless lists doesn’t free me. It just works me into a mess of obsession that takes me away from things that truly bring me joy. While life does require some planning and organization sometimes, those things will never fill me.
- Love someone else: We’re all in this “life” think together. We all move back and forth between these two places of love and fear. Help make someone else’s day better, and you’ll feel good too.
Learn your own signs that you’re living in love or fear. Learn to make the shift if necessary, and life will be amazing.
A Simple Meditation
I’ve never really been into meditation, or at least not into sitting upright on a cushion with my hands rested on my knees, palms to the sky. I do understand the important of clearing one’s mind and slowing down, but I’ve found a way that’s effective for me.
Yes, that is the ceiling of my studio.
I love to lay on the floor of my studio and stare up at the ceiling, or even close my eyes. For some reason, this never fails to calm me and get me into my body. Maybe it’s because of the different view, looking up at a blank ceiling instead of cluttered shelves and colorful walls. Maybe it’s because laying down spreads the pull of gravity all over my body , which helps me to focus on the rise and fall of my stomach as I breathe, the weight of my hips sinking into the floor, and relieving my muscles of any work whatsoever. Much better than a stiff, straight spine and sore butt from seated meditation.
I’ve never fallen asleep doing this, but it never fails me when I remember to do it. After ten minutes or so, my thoughts are clear, I’m calm, and my body even feels refreshed. It’s wonderful, and it works for me.
Making Peace with Winter Blues
“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.”
It’s that time of year again. Since I was a child, I’ve had winter blues. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but I know that my moods, energy levels, appetites, and creativity are very seasonal. Even my art is seasonal.
I usually dread this time of year and pretend it isn’t happening. I curse the snowfalls, the darkness and the cold and I retreat into my little turtle shell until spring. I always pretend that this year will be different. I will eat the right foods, exercise a ton to keep my serotonin up, take all the supplements I need, somehow find the money for a light box, etcetera etcetera etcetera. Has it ever worked? Nope.
This year though, I’ve decided to stop fighting it. Call a truce. Make peace with winter. I’ve accepted that I’m entering my low-key, quiet, contemplative time of year. I need to allow myself to be slower, quieter, and to even…enjoy the change of pace.
I know I’m not the only one who feels like a slug all winter, so I wanted to share some ideas of how we can embrace this time and stay healthy.
- Do what you can to stay healthy, but don’t be militant. Simple carbs like sugar and white flour can raise serotonin levels briefly, but often leave you craving more. Get enough protein to keep your blood sugar stable. Exercise helps boost your mood, but be compassionate on the days where you really need a rest. Make it easy to stay healthy. Stock up on healthy staples and if you have a freezer, try preparing a bunch of healthy meals in advance like soups, casserole or stir-fry and crock-pot meal ingredients that you just have to open and dump into the cooking apparatus. Pick up some fun exercise videos. I’m a fan of belly dance, kundalini yoga and kickboxing videos.
- Keep warm. I’m a frugal person, but I’ve found that one of the nicest things I can do for myself during the winter is to shell out the extra money on the gas bill to keep my apartment warm and to take lots of hot baths. Also, I notice that I’m a lot more likely to exercise if I’m not freezing. Invest in an electric blanket and cute, warm clothes to layer. Get some warm exercise clothes if you plan on trying to exercise outside.
- Remove as many stressors as possible before your energy starts to sink. Do your holiday shopping early and/or online. Do a deep “Fall cleaning” so you don’t have to be as vigilant with housekeeping in the winter. Prepare Christmas cards early. Take on less responsibility if possible so you can create “white space” in your schedule, and give yourself plenty of “transition time” instead of rushing from obligation to obligation. Take care of as many nasty chores as you can before the temperature drops. For me, this means car maintenance. Blegh.
- Take advantage of sunny days. Get as much sun as you can. Decorate your home with candles and lights. The lack of light is a huge factor of winter blues. It’s no accident that many winter celebrations that take place at the darkest time of year include light as a major part of their traditions. Think Hanukah candles and Christmas lights.
- Make your home beautiful all winter. I hate taking down Christmas decorations, because then my home looks so drab and depressing after a month of lights and glittering ornaments and beautiful colors. This year after I take down my little tree, I want to put up some other beautiful winter decorations so I won’t have to look around at the newly dreary walls and feel sad after I put the Christmas décor back in the closet.
- Find things to celebrate, but don’t try to overdo it.My November Gratitude Project is a good example. Perhaps you could spend the evening of the winter solstice taking a candle lit bath, or read a special book. This gives you things to look forward to and ways to make peace with the season rather than fighting it.
- Acceptance, compassion, and gentleness. You probably won’t be the Energizer Bunny during the winter. It’s ok. There is a season for everything. I get some good thinking done in the winter. Read good books, think, write in your journal, learn to knit. This is the season for slowness. Nature takes a rest, and you can too. You will have rough days, but this is also a time to exercise patience. Spring will come. It always does.
Happy winter!
Three wishes…
I usually don’t like to wish. I used to think that wishes were a waste of energy, and that goals were the only things that matter.
“Don’t wish. Don’t start. Wishing only wounds the heart.”
-From Wicked
Bologna. Baloney. However you want to spell it.
I love Wicked, I even have a $75 snow globe from the show to prove it, but wishes are brain candy. Goals and dreams start with wishes.
Wishes are the seeds that grow into our dreams.
However, some of my wishes are just that. Wishes. I can’t control them. But they’re amusing to think about sometimes. Like playing “what if.”
If I had three wishes, here’s what they would be:
- I wish my hair would grow faster so I wouldn’t be so scared to do fun things with it. Get layers. Blue streaks. I’ve never had a fun cut, I’ve never dyed it because it grows so slowly that I’ll be stuck with whatever I do to it for about eight years. I’m kind of tired of straight brown blunt boring.
2. I wish I could have pets in my apartment. I miss my kitty, Louka. I want to get a little doggy to keep me company on all my long walks. I’m also sure that my neighbors think I’m a little creepy because I know all their cats by name and stop to pet them every chance I get.It’s fun to wish sometimes.
If you had three wishes, what would they be? And no wishing for more wishes. That’s not fun.
What’s in Your Toolbox?
We all get stressed out sometimes. We all get angry, tired, anxious, or plain burnt out. So what do we do when we get there? How do we take care of ourselves? How do we learn from these emotions?
If you can’t think of the answers to these questions, don’t worry. It’s ok if you don’t know how to handle these emotions yet, because most people don’t. Most of us see these emotions as bad things that should always be avoided, and that something is wrong with us if we experience them. This isn’t always the case.
Uncomfortable emotions aren’t there to get us, they’re often our greatest teachers and road signs. If we’re stressed, anxious, or depressed all the time, we know that something in our life or attitude needs to change. If we get angry, we might have stumbled over an emotional block that we get to work through and release so we can live better.
But how do we do this?
We use a toolbox. Everyone has one. This toolbox contains the tools we use to handle emotions.
Sometimes these toolboxes are well-stocked so that we can handle any job life throws at us. Some of our toolboxes are rather sparse. Others are full of hammers when what we really need are screwdrivers.
Let’s take a look at our toolboxes. What kind of tool could we find in there? Let’s take a look at my toolbox first. It may not look like your ideal toolbox, but it sure works for me:
- Journaling
- Yoga, walking and hiking outside
- Uplifting reading like my religious texts, blogs, and books like Healing from the Heart by Dr. Judith Moore (this book was key in my recovery)
- Talking to my husband, Mom, or friend.
- Cleaning my apartment, artmaking, and cooking. Great activities for when my hands need something to do while I think.
- iPod: good music, inspiring podcasts and my SoulArt courses.
- Dangerous behaviors like using drugs, smoking, self-inflicted injury, having unprotected sex or drinking.
- Zoning out in front of the TV or computer
- Blowing up at someone to express anger
- Shopping
- Wearing ourselves out by overworking or overexercising
- Bingeing or restricting food
- Bottling up emotions until they make us sick.
- Supporting rituals like “you-time”
- Supportive friends, family or a counselor you can talk to
- Journaling and creative expression
- Exercise
- Service to others
- Good books and other resources to help you work through emotions
- Activities that help you unwind without tuning out. Yoga, reading, and that old self-care cliche, the hot bubble bath.
- Anxiety-soothing activities that keep your hand or body busy while your mind is free to think like cleaning, knitting, wire-jewelry making, kneading bread dough, whatever.
There is Only Love
If you’re a creative person (and you are, you just may not know it yet) you probably know what it’s like to be stuck. You might sit down to create something or face a problem, but something seems to block you, and you can’t put you’re finger on it.
If you have a partner, children, coworkers, or if you interact with other humans at all (most of us do) you know what it’s like to be frustrated, hurt or angry with someone else.
If you’ve ever been on a diet, had nasty thoughts about your body, or stayed on the beach because you wouldn’t take off your sarong to get in the water, you know what it’s like to struggle with some degree of self-loathing.
In my last post, I talked about one of my favorite mantras: I Choose. I’ve really gotten into using mantras lately and I can’t believe the change in my attitude and perception. Here”s another powerful mantra I use when I’m frustrated for any reason.
There is only love.
I tend to use this mantra for three things:
- my own creative work
- the way I relate to others
- the way I treat my body and myself.
If I’m in a creative funk, I sit with that feeling and usually realize that I’m afraid of something. Failure, judgement, limitations, whatever. The only way I can get out of that block is to remember how I love to create, and how I love to share my creations with others. Fear is the opposite of love, and my creativity can only flow when I create from love, not fear.
If I have a disagreement with my husband or a family member, if someone cuts me off in traffic or if a cashier grumps at me, I say to myself “There is only love.” Instead of seeing the other person as a jerk or feeling like someone is out to get me, I try to be compassionate. They probably weren’t trying to hurt me. Maybe they’re having a bad day for whatever reason. It’s ok if Sam doesn’t see everything exactly the way I do, we just haven’t found that common ground yet.
I’ve a proficient intuitive eater, but every once in awhile I still have a ghost of a bad body thought, or I might feel slightly guilty for eating something that isn’t good for me. Or, I might be stressed out and feel like emptying out my chocolate stash, but I know that isn’t in my best interest. I remember, “There is only love.” No need to guilt trip myself for a treat. I love my body, so I try to treat it well.
I use this Every. Day. I write it in my journal every morning when I wake up so I can start my day thinking this way.
Just write it down every morning. Say it whenever you’re frustrated. I can’t believe how powerful it’s been in my life.
Try it!
The Handprint List: Two Huge Accomplishments
Today I finally checked two MAJOR items off my Handprint List:
Reach my natural ideal weight through intuitive eating and enjoyable movement.
Conquer my depression and anxiety
I’ve been working at these for years, struggling and learning all I could about myself and the causes of these issues so I could somehow solve the mystery of my mind and body.
I knew that these two were connected, that my eating habits and body were a reflection of what was going on in the inside. I put a ton of work into overcoming these obstacles, but eventually I realized that these issues had something to teach me, and they weren’t there to destroy me. They had to teach me about self-love and care, trust, gratitude, and courage. I just had to let go and not try so hard to control everything around me.
Once I learned this, the demon fled.
I stopped eating compulsively. I didn’t feel the dark shadow inside me anymore and I started writing and making art again. I felt grateful for what I had and for the lessons my struggles taught me. I didn’t think about food all the time. I felt like being social. The past few months have been amazing because I feel alive again and I can honestly say that I’m not depressed or anxious anymore even though my life is far from perfect.
The root of my disordered eating dissolved and I reached my natural weight in just a few months. I won’t post a picture of how I look now because A) I don’t have one at the moment, and B) I don’t think it’s necessary. I feel good and I think I look good too. I’ve defined my happy weight before, and my eating and activity level feels perfect to me right now.
Eating and emotional states aren’t static though. This doesn’t mean that I’ll never have the urge to overeat again or that I won’t have days or weeks when I struggle with my emotions. This means that I feel like I have the tools to handle things right now, that I’m comfortable enough to examine my emotions so they don’t harm me. I know that I tend to turn to food when I feel off on a deep level, and I can use that tendency as my personal alarm bell.
I could be jumping up and down excited. I’ve had those moments. I used to get super excited whenever I lost weight, and I know I was the last time I had reached this weight, but I actually feel calm. Peaceful. Grateful. I imagined fireworks and choirs of angels when I reached this point, but it’s more like waking up from a really nice nap and just relishing the delicious feeling of knowing that you have the rest of the day to lay there in the sunny room if you want, or you can meet friends for dinner, or go for a walk if you want. Anything is possible now.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Are you getting what you want? Do you KNOW what you want?
I’d wager that most of us feel a certain amount of dissatisfaction with our lives. We’d like to do more, have more, or be more. Is this an unhealthy attitude? Sometimes yes, but we’re not talking about the “You can never be too rich or too thin” attitude here. This is about striving to become a better version of yourself, to fully embody your purpose and passion and creating a life that feels completely free and authentic to you.
So, what do you want?
A career? A love affair? Better health? Social connection?
Are you getting it?
I want you to sit for a minute and really envision what you want. Picture it. Your career is thriving, it doesn’t feel like work. Your body is healthy and strong. You’re sharing a special moment with that special someone, or you feel like a valued part of a circle of friends. What does that vision look like? What does it feel like?
I’ve found that in order to reach a goal, we have to really understand what we’re striving for. We have to have a completely clear vision of what we want, or we spend a lot of time wandering in circles and wondering why we’re not getting anywhere.
I say we spend a lot of time instead of we waste a lot of time, because that time spent wandering is important. That’s where we make discoveries, and often when we discover that we aren’t clear on what we want after all.
So now it’s time to get clear. How? This process works differently for everyone, but it includes two parts: Pondering and Mapping
1-Pondering is just what it sounds like. Think about what you want. Picture it. Read. Gather ideas. Allow yourself to fantasize, and feel what it feels like to have what you want. I like to do this on long walks, but do whatever works best for you.
2-Mapping is different for everyone, but this is the act of getting your visions into something tangible. For me, I like to actually sit and free write and make lists. You can draw your vision, or make a collage or vision board. Make a Handprint List. The point is to get it out where you can see it or read it with your physical eyes. Most of us are sight-driven, and having something we can read or look at constantly reminds us where we’re going, and from then on we can begin the work of getting there.
Getting clear is the first step to getting what you want and something you may have to keep doing throughout your journey. Think of your desire as a block of wood or stone that you keep chipping away at until you free the sculpture within. It might take awhile, but the end result is stunning.
Good luck!
23 Lessons in 23 Years
(Source)
At 11:30 tomorrow night, I will turn 23. I’m pretty stoked about it and I have a fun day planned involving tigers, an art museum and sushi.
I thought I’d share with you 23 gems of wisdom I’ve gleaned from the last 23 years, lessons I’ve learned that have made an impact in my life.
Without further ado:
- Gratitude is key to happiness
- Stay connected to your creative spirit, and you’ll never feel uninspired
- Never ever neglect self-care
- Stand up for yourself. You deserve it.
- If it doesn’t taste good, add either more cheese or more chocolate.
- My body knows what I need. Listen to it.
- Depression is a sign that something needs to change.
- Trials lead to learning, which leads to meaning, which leads to joy.
- Know my priorities, and align my life with them.
- It’s ok to change my mind. Six times. In one hour.
- If I tell myself I can’t, I can’t. If I tell myself I can, I can.
- Know thy limits. Respect them.
- Happiness is a mindset, not a situation.
- Assume the best of everyone. Even if you’re wrong, you’ll feel good about it.
- Seasons of life come and go. Enjoy them.
- Always ask “why?”
- Make time for fun.
- Food doesn’t solve problems, it only solves hunger.
- Don’t let one bad day become two.
- Make time for stillness, to make sense of everything and carry that feeling.
- Bar Keeper’s Friend is the best cleaner in the world.
- Know thyself.
- Life is beautiful.
Soul Writing Tips
(Source)
I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Actually, I’ve always been a writer. Short stories, poetry, a play, magazine articles, travel writing, blogging, you name it. I’m even editing my first novel. Sometimes about pouring myself out on the page feels so right to me. My thoughts flow better with a pen in my hand.
I thought I’d share part of my Relief Society lesson from yesterday. Relief Society is a women’s organization in my religion that meets every Sunday during church. We discussed one of the steps of a church sponsored addiction recovery program, which is to truthfully write about our lives so we can better understand our struggles and their roots. This recovery program suggests writing your life story from start to finish so you can see patterns in the big picture.
Wow.
I’ve kept a journal for years, and it’s been my go-to tool for getting to the bottom of what ails me. I have a plastic tote box under my bed full of my journals from high school on, and another shelf in my studio groaning under the weight of my “commonplace books” which also serve as journals. Writing is a fabulous tool, and different writers can use it in different ways for different purposes. It’s wonderful for exploring and understanding emotions and the events that cause them, and using that knowledge to overcome depression, fear, addiction, etc.
Here are a few reasons why writing is an awesome soul-searching tool:
- Sometimes expressing our feelings through writing is the first step to letting go of them.
- Writing allows us to distance ourselves from the situations so that we can see them in a more objective way, and therefore figure them out.
- Writing gives us a safe place in which to say things we’d be afraid to say otherwise. Afraid someone will read it? Burn it. Flush it. Bury it. The act of destroying the writings is healing in itself.
- Writing forces us to slow down our thoughts, because we write slower than our thoughts. Slowing down gives us the time to actually examine out thoughts.
- Writing allows us to organize our thoughts.
Many of us (especially bloggers!) have used writing to clarify our emotions at some point. Here are some tips to help you get started on your Soul Journaling:
- Find a safe place to keep your words, whether it’s a journal that you hide in a safe box or something, an online journal or pieces of paper that get thrown in the fireplace as soon as you’re done.
- Write in the third person if you need some extra distance from your life in order to see more clearly.
- Do it every day. I carry a Mead notebook with my everywhere to jot down ideas, but also to explore a difficult situation if I need to .
- Ask “why?” If a certain event triggered a reaction to something, ask yourself “why?” If something makes you uncomfortable or brings out your obsessive tendencies, ask “why?”
- Dig deeper, get to the roots. It’s scary, but you can’t fix a problem if you don’t understand it. If you feel inferior around certain people, write down the exact emotions you feel around them. Have you felt that way before? When? Why? When you get to the bottom, ask yourself what you really want. Do you feel inferior because that person seems more exciting and has more friends than you? Maybe you want to feel loved, or to manifest more fun in your life.
- Dig yourself back out. When you get to the bottom of your emotions and discover what you want, ask yourself how you can get what you want. Say you want to feel loved, and you want to have more fun in your life. How can you manifest more fun and love? How can you give more love, so that you’ll attract it back to you?
- Read. Writing honestly takes a lot of practice because most people have difficulty recognizing uncomfortable emotions because they’re so used to shunning them or covering them with food or another addiction. I’ve found that reading the honest writing of others, whether it’s blogs, scriptures, or other inspiring books is a great way to loosen up. If we see those emotions in others, we learn to see them in ourselves. Talking with a counselor or trusted friend can also help. Learn to feel your emotions, get in touch with them.
